Funny Things You've Heard!

[CrystalCore]

Just post something funny you've heard someone say or something that came out wrong. Or you can comment on how funny something was. Here's mine:
Phone: "Ring ring ring"
Teacher: *picks up phone* "Hello?"
Student: "Yo, it's Zach, I was skiing in New Hampshire and broke all the bones in my body, so I won't be coming in today."
Teacher: "Ouch! Really? Wait a minute,... do you even know how many bones are in the human body?"
Student: "Ummm...16...? Oh yeah, and I fractured my skull."
Teacher: ".........well, okay! Hope you get better soon!"

It was a teacher remembering funny excuses and this was my brother's at his high school graduation. They know when to just let kids miss school. Trust me.

 

[pikapower94]

There was one...
There's this obnoxious kid who was in my 9th grade Physical Science class named Sabastian. He and my teacher used to get in a lot of fights, usually amusing for the class. My favorite quote is

Teacher: Sabastian, you are in so much trouble for that, you need to move to the front.
Sabastian: WAIT WHAT DID I DO?
Teacher: EVERYTHING! NOW GET YOUR FREAKING DESK UP HERE!

 

[Brendan Savem]

Here's something that really puts you off your lunch...

*Girl buys a snickers bar and opens the wrapper, Guy is in line behind her*
Girl: Eewwwww... its all hard with white stuff on it!
Guy: That's what she said!

And that's how you turn an expired chocolate into the hippist (sex) joke in the school

 

[Yoshimitsu]

Technically, there was nothing wrong with that Snickers bar. I've bought discoloured (white and brown) chocolate bars before and they were perfectly fine. It's something to do with the cocoa not being spread properly or something. :x

 

[SoIHerdYaLiekAnime]

I have plenty, but here's the most common one.

Sister: Maggie, you really need a life.
Me: O rly?