INSANE Christians!!!

[Pokémon Master Josh]

I found a Christian site, saying that the following toys are evil!

Aquapets
The Grinch Doll
SpongeBob SquarePants

and...

Pokémon!!!

They are also racist, with comments such as:

"With the help of Satan, Japs have secretly declared war on America by using the Pokémon menace to brainwash our youth into accepting their fat murdering Buddha as God."

Here is the main restricted toy site: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1204/blacklist.html

Here is the article about Aquapets:
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0904/aquapets.html

The article on Pokémon with racist comments: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1299/poke.html

The other Pokémon article:
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1099/pokemon.html

The SpongeBob one:
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0403/spongebob.html
(This one has a rude image)

The Grinch:
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0101/actionalert.html

All of the articles contain errm.. PG images...

LONG LIVE SATAN!!! :twisted:

 

[Lugiasian]

This site makes everything look like a penis

I read this already, and this just further proves that there are nice, sane Christians, and then there are Christians such as these who just LOVE to be stupid. As well as racist.

Sad world we live in Sad, sad world.

Spoofy site, but still. Cra-zee. :lol:

 

[Pokémon Master Josh]

Here are some extracts from the racist article, of which I am appalled:

"Only an unsaved idiot would believe the Japs forgot about Hiroshima and Nagasaki. As Godly Baptist Christians, we recognize that the Japs have been planning to invade America since the day we humiliated them and sent them into the history books as a race of short-sighted, nin-com-poop's. Even though the Japs run around with their eyes half shut, it doesn't mean they can't think straight! With the help of Satan, Japs have secretly declared war on America by using the Pokémon menace to brainwash our youth into accepting their fat murdering Buddha as God."

"They see the world in a horizontal slant. This is due to the physical characteristics of their eyes."

"They can make cars, but God forbid someone put them behind the wheel of one! Their insanity becomes even more obvious to those of us who observe them as they pray to the little fat man who sits outside their restaurants."

"One parent (Mrs. Macel Thornhill of Landover Baptist) noted that her child's eyes seemed 'smaller' and 'slanted upward.' "My little Henry's head was sloped in such a way that he looked like a little perverted Christmas elf without the hat." Mrs. Thornhill said. "My husband noticed it too. He said little Henry looked like a Japansy.""

"The Pokémon film has been banned altogether in Iowa. "It might be too late for some of our children," Pastor Smith remarked, "thousands of youths are turning Japanese even as I relate this Godly warning! These pocket demons are attacking parents, jumping on children's legs and performing sexual acts, they are the work of the Devil's Jap Demons!""

And here are some pictures their "spies" obtained. There is a little disclaimer thing at the bottom of the pictures, saying: "These pictures were obtained by Landover Baptist Missionary spies who were murdered for their Godly efforts" http://www.landoverbaptist.org/japan/

Here are the pictures:

Oh,yeah, they're SO satanic!!!

That Pritt-Stick butter is a GOOD idea IMO, does that make me a Satanist??

AND, to get into the christmas spirit, here's a lil article on Santa: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1299/santy.html
Toy Story 2: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1199/toystory.html
Aaaaand, the Homo-Handshake: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0101/shake.html
Apparently, Harry Potter's Evil too: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1199/potter.html

 

[NonAnalogue]

I love how, on the same page as the Spongebob one, they offer a What Would Jesus Do thong.

 

[Ultracow]

I think this is a Disney movie and probably a Disney product, so you can bet some homosexual or Democrat in Florida was behind it

The Grinch is not a Disney item....AND WHATS WRONG WITH LIVING IN FLORIDA?!

I reacted immediately to what I saw there, and was able to flip over and grab my grandson by his hair and fling him across the room, thankfully, knocking him unconscious long enough for me to get to the remote control and switch back to Fox news, where they were showing Godly footage of our Christian troops blowing up ignorant Arabiacs.

Im pretty sure a pasture wouldn't throw his child across the room just to get the remote.

For 7-year old church member, Martha Chumsky, that discovery was made late last Tuesday evening, when she walked into her parents' bedroom looking for her toy, only to find her mother standing naked as jaybird in front of the bureau mirror, wiping off her daughter's Aquapet with a dirty wet rag.

@_@ They must be kidding. Thats just so wrong in so many ways.

 

[Nemesis]

Some of that is SO fake, liek MAVAG.org, a site about mothers against videogames.

The lst part UC posted, and the bit about flinging a child across the room would NEVER be on that type of site

 

[Yoshimitsu]

How is showing troops shooting Arabiacs 'Godly'? Please, someone explain this to me while I burn down all the churches in the world. Oh, and Cathedrals.

I'm sorry, but all of this is a bunch of bull.

"The Pokémon film has been banned altogether in Iowa. "It might be too late for some of our children," Pastor Smith remarked, "thousands of youths are turning Japanese even as I relate this Godly warning! These pocket demons are attacking parents, jumping on children's legs and performing sexual acts, they are the work of the Devil's Jap Demons!""

Uh, what's wrong with this? POKEMON AREN'T REAL. This 'Pastor Smith' idiot is delusional and should be locked up for the safety of the masses. Pokemon aren't real so him thinking that they perform sexual acts is..... ugh.

"With the help of Satan, Japs have secretly declared war on America by using the Pokémon menace to brainwash our youth into accepting their fat murdering Buddha as God."

What's wrong with this then? Besides the grammatical mistake (if I'm correct), Pokemon don't brainwash anyone into anything. Well, maybe Gary's been affected...

"They see the world in a horizontal slant. This is due to the physical characteristics of their eyes."

.....And the point here is? Besides posting a load if bull about Japanese people?

"One parent (Mrs. Macel Thornhill of Landover Baptist) noted that her child's eyes seemed 'smaller' and 'slanted upward.' "My little Henry's head was sloped in such a way that he looked like a little perverted Christmas elf without the hat." Mrs. Thornhill said. "My husband noticed it too. He said little Henry looked like a Japansy.""

Excuse me? Eyes smaller and slanted, eh? Stop being paranoid, someone's eyes can't change shape that easily. What an imbecile.

Freehold, Iowa - Satan's evil plan has created jobs for hundreds of thousands of old lecherous pedophiles throughout this Godly country every December. These filthy homeless hobos just lay on their urine-stained cardboard beds 11 months out of the year, dreaming of Christmas when they can drunkenly traipse into the warmth of departments stores and have innocent little Christian children sit on their vermin-infested laps. Unwary parents happily snap pictures while Satan's obesely wheezing drunks ask their children whether they've been "bad" and whisper lewd suggestions in their angelic little ears with their filthy booze-breath and cigarette-discolored lips. How many unsuspecting tots have suffered a quick grope before Satan's little helper moves on to the next hopeful child in line?

Excuse me? Prove it.

[/rant]

 

[Nemesis]

Found more mistakes......

How can you turn Japanese? Secondly, since when have all the japanese worshipped the Budda?

 

[baratron]

Ye flipping gods!

Landover Baptist Church is a SPOOF! It's ridiculously over-the-top, because it's a JOKE! Ever read The Onion?

PLEASE tell me you didn't read the "Tampons are Satan's little fingers" article and STILL thought it was a real site?

I think I'm going to cry now...

 

[Lugiasian]

Found more mistakes......

How can you turn Japanese? Secondly, since when have all the japanese worshipped the Budda?

Ironically, turning Japanese is a metaphor for masturbating

Heh, kinda figured it would be a spoof site It was just way too unrealistic. It's still funny to laugh at XD

 

[Doctor Oak]

I don't find it funny at all - from any side. It may parody and expose problems, but it's humour is rather disguisting.

 

[baratron]

That's the first time I've been to Landover in a while - it definitely used to be better. That's the problem with becoming a "big" site and getting mentioned in everyone in the universe's weblog - you get pressure put on you to come up with new material, and after a while there isn't anywhere you can go except more and more outrageous. It's like South Park. Started off as funny but a bit near the mark, and over time has veered into offensive to almost everyone, before coming out the other side. I'm sure Landover'll get funnier and less outright offensive again as they go on.

I take the long term view in most things. Comes from having been around the internet almost since it started :roll:.

 

[Crabmeat]

Since it started? How old are you :| back when I was a young lad they never had this kind of warped humour it was good clean broken bone inspiring, slipping on a banana goodness. *Takes out butter stick* the Japanese rock.

 

[Doctor Oak]

Unless Baratron's older than my Granny, she means since it became popular and more available. Considering it started when Computers were first built at the turn of the last century.

It only became popular in the nineties and anyone over the age of Katie ( ) will probably have been available to be there from the 'start'. Only Technofreaks were though. ^^