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Ruby Vs. Sapphire; A New Blue

This is a fan-fiction based on something I am doing on my Ruby and Sapphire with minor alterations. What I am doing on my games is I copied Blue off of Leafgreen's Team and changed it into Hoenn Pokemon and started a file using those Pokemon and another and I link up and battle occasionally.
Anyway, this Fan fiction is about the travels of Ruby with Sapphire occasionally battling him.
Characters:
Ruby
The main and Titular character. He has white hair and wears mainly Black and red clothing. He loves his Pokemon, but captures few outside his main team.
Sapphire
One of the other main characters. Brown parted hair, mainly red and white clothing. She is very arrogant at first but grows less arrogant as the story goes on.
Birch
A character that is not seen very often throughout the story. He is Sapphire's Dad.
The others
There are other characters throughout the story but 9/10 will be from the games.



---Ruby vs. Sapphire---
"Hey honey, wake up." Says Mom
"Uhh..."Groans Ruby.
"Honey, Prof. Birch wanted to see you, he wanted to wish you a happy birthday." Says Mom...
"Umm Professor?" Ruby says.
"Give it up Ruby," Sapphire explains, "He's gone out."…
"Help me!" Yells a voice.
"Huh," Yells Ruby, "I'm coming!"…
"It is a Poochyena, grab a Pokeball out of my briefcase and battle the Poochyena!" Yells Birch…
"Okay, go Treecko!" Yells Ruby.
"That was a Tackle," Yells Ruby, "Treecko, use Leer"…
"Treecko, Dodge and Leer again!" Yells Ruby…
"That Tackle looked like a critical hit, Are you okay Treecko? Good, now use Pound"…
"You did great, I heard you had never been in battle before, you have great potential." Explains Birch, "You should battle Sapphire, she's over there."...
"Umm, Sapphire do you want to battle?" Asks Ruby.
"Pathetic, simply pathetic, but sure, why not?" Responds Sapphire.

"Go, Torchic," Yells Sapphire, "Growl,".
"Dodge, Treecko and Pound, now," Yells Ruby.
"Torchic, get up and use Ember" Demands Sapphire.
"Get ready, Treecko" Instructs Ruby, "Huh?".
"Worthless chicken, you can't even do ember." Yells Sapphire.
"Quick, use Pound, Awesome a critical hit!" Yells Ruby.
"Return Torchic, so worthless." Yells Sapphire, "A fluke that is all it was."

"Congratulations, you beat Sapphire." Exclaims Birch, "She has been a Trainer for a long time. So here you go.
"Thanks Professor, a Pokedex and several Pokeballs." Exclaims Ruby…
"So this is Route one. This will be fun." Exclaims Ruby.
"Youngster Calvin, you don't stand a chance."Explaains Ruby…
"See I told you."…
"Huh, an electrike!" Exclaims Ruby. "Go Treecko! Absorb, Go Pokeball!,"…
"Phew, that was hard, but here I am, Petalburg City." Yells Ruby, "Sapphire?".
"Oh Ruby it is you, I think we should battle here and now, it should be a good warm up for Norman."Says Sapphire.
"Fine we shall battle."

"Go, Tailow," Yells Sapphire.
"Electrike, Tackle!"
"Dodge with Quick Attack, and use the speed to supercharge a Peck."
"Dodge now, use tackle from it's underside."
"Return, worthless bird."
"Go Torchic,"
"Return, go Treecko,"
"Growl Torchic,".
"Dodge, Treecko and Pound, now,"
"Torchic, get up and use Ember"
"Get ready, Treecko" Instructs Ruby, "Huh?"
"Worthless chicken, still you can't even do ember." Yells Sapphire.
"Quick, use Pound, Awesome a critical hit!"
"Return, Torchic" Says Sapphire, "You will lose to my superior power"…

"Hey, Dad" Says Ruby, "I came to visit."
"Son? How'd you get here?"Asks Norman, "Oh I see you have Pokemon.".
"I, umm, think we should, umm, battle."
"We shall battle, when you can show me four badges, start with the gym in Rustboro. But we can have an unofficial battle."
"Sure, Go Electrike,"
"Go, Slakoth,"

"Electrike, Tackle,"
"Scratch,"
"Dodge, Electrike, you okay? Good, Tackle.
"Dodge it Slakoth,"
"Tackle again,"
"Dodge and scratch"
"Electrike is unable to battle , the winner is Slakoth and the Victory goes to Norman," Says the Referee
"Son, you have a lot to learn, you just keep throwing around attacks and hope for the best, if you ever hope to defeat me you need to become a tactician."

"What," Ruby says, falling to his knees…
"Son, are you okay?" Asked Norman, "You passed out.
"I understand about being a tactician,"
"Good, now get four badges."…
"Wow, Petalburg Forest. I think I might find a Pokemon or two here." Exclaims Ruby.
"Hey, Bug-Catcher Arach. I think I will try out my new battling style on you."
"Hello Ruby, but we are in a forest, a bug's haven." Explains Arach…
"So much for a bug's haven."
"Hey, are you a trainer?" Asks Ruby.
"No, by the way, have you seen Shroomish?" Answers the guy.
"You, Devon researcher. Hand over those papers." Exclaims some-guy in a red outfit.
"You are a trainer, help me!" Exclaims the guy.
"Umm, sure…"
"Your going to protect him? Prepare for defeat." Exclaims the red-outfitted guy.

"Go Poochyena!"
"Electrike,"
"Poochyena, Howl!"
"Thunder Wave, Electrike, then tackle!"
"Dodge, then use tackle,"
"No!!! Electrike. Your allright, use tackle!"
"Poochyena, get up! Tackle,"
"Dodge it, Then tackle,"
"Dodge it Poochyena. Return Poochyena,, no wonder no-one got got you before. Come on and battle me again, or I wish I could say that but I'm out of Pokemon. Wait were after something in Rustboro, so i'll let you off,"
The weird attired guy sped off.
"Thank you, I know here!"
"A great ball, thanks!"
"Wait, didn't the guy sy he was after someting in Rustboro? This is a crisis!"
The Devon researcher sped off as well leaving Ruby alone.

"A wurmple, all my Pokemon are tired, of course, go Grest Ball!"...
"Yes, I caught a Wurmple!"
Ruby finally makes it out of the forest, and crosses the bridge.
"Hey, Fisherman Ducien. Prepare for defeat,"
"Go Magikarp,"
"Go Wurmple,"
"Splash,"
"Tackle, Tackle, TACKLE,"
"Splash,"
"Tackle,"
"Return Magikarp,"
Soon Ruby arrives in Rustboro. He quickly runs to the Pokecenter, and then he dases to the gym.

"Roxxanne, ready to be beaten?"
"Go Aron,"
"Treecko, use Absorb,"
"Metal Claw,"
"Absord,"
"Return Aron, Go Nosepass,"
"Absorb,"
"Rock throw!"
Dodge, and Leech Seed,"
"Rock Throw, again!"
"You okay Treecko? Good, use Absorb,"
"Return Nosepass, Ruby, I hereby award you the Stone Badge..."
"Awesome, I got the (Weird Pose) Stone Bade!"
 
Last edited by a moderator:
P

Pikachu_Master

I don't want to be a critic, but it did not grab my attention, sorry
 

Linkachu

Hero of Pizza
Staff member
Administrator
I don't want to be a critic, but it did not grab my attention, sorry

You've said this twice now, and it's fine to give constructive criticism... but constructive this isn't, sorry. If it didn't grab your attention, what could be changed so it would? The least you can do is give the authors some suggestions to improve on their writing =/
 
I don't want to be a critic, but it did not grab my attention, sorry

I'm sorry, but to tell the truth, Pikachu Master, your copy + pasted comments on aspiring writers' works hold no intelligible advice. Stating the ignorant, pointless fact that one's story wasn't to your tastes tells them nothing that may be to their benefit, and thus defeats the purpose of you posting a comment in the first place. Stop discouraging others, and submit more than a few seconds to your diagnosis of their work - they put forth some sort of effort in hopes of interesting somebody, at least respect that. I respect the fact that you may not be interested in someone else's fanfiction - but I can't respect the fact that you are thoughtlessly critiquing them with no right.

Attempt to help them, or explain why their story interests you, or interact with the writer, or make some suggestions that might give their story some perks - anything but n00b-like spam that only generates embarrassment from the author.

-hides subtly behind Linkachu, who suggested she actually post this-
 
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