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Team Sky Fanfiction Book1, The Quest

PokeMaster77

PokeMaster77

Notes: Tell me anything you think would make my story better. And I hope you like my story, BEGIN!

Chapter 1 the Quest begins.

One day Michael was thinking of creating an organization to expand the sky, he would call it Team Sky. young Michael always loved the sky, he would look at the clouds and say stuff like, That cloud looks like a cow.

"One day, I'll become a strong trainer, just like Steven Stone," said Michael.

Years later.

"I choose you Poochyena," said Michael rushing in.

"I'm sorry we don't have a Poochyena," said Professor Birch.

More Chapter 1 Coming Soon
 
Charlotte Pryce

Charlotte Pryce

PokeMaster77 said:
Notes: Tell me anything you think would make my story better. And I hope you like my story, BEGIN!

Chapter 1 the Quest begins.

One day Michael was thinking of creating an organization to expand the sky, he would call it Team Sky. young Michael always loved the sky, he would look at the clouds and say stuff like, That cloud looks like a cow.

"One day, I'll become a strong trainer, just like Steven Stone," said Michael.

Years later.

"I choose you Poochyena," said Michael rushing in.

"I'm sorry we don't have a Poochyena," said Professor Birch.

More Chapter 1 Coming Soon
Click to expand...
Unfortunately, there is not much I can offer in terms of critique. For starters, this is only one paragraph so Its hard for me to judge without knowing what the rest of the story looks like. I would be happy to read more as you update.

From one writer to another, I would avoid starting with "One day" or "once upon a time"-like phrases. Unless you are aiming for a child audience (Ages 1-10), this manner of introducing your story is not going to grab your reader's attention.

Think about who your target audience is and what details you want them to notice. That should help you get started.
 
PokeMaster77

PokeMaster77

"Do you at least have a flying type," said Michael.

"I have one, it's called Wingull," said Professor Birch.

And so Michael's quest began. A little later Michael was wandering in the woods, when, suddenly a Taillow shot down from the sky.

"Wingull, come out," said Michael. "Use water gun."




TO BE CONTINUED
 
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