Working with The Felt

[Rex]

(Feel like bringing this back, feel free to point out my mistakes!)

When you work with The Felt, you can be sure that somewhere, something interesting is happening. Itchy couldn’t go five minutes without pulling a prank on someone, and the only ones safe from his antics were Clover, Snowman, Stitch, and Lord English himself. So while I worked with them, I found that I spent a lot of time guarding the vault with Clover and his mindless bodyguards Eggs and Biscuits. I remember one day in particular, when Die finally came to us, fed up with Itchy.

It was a very slow day, I was engaged in conversation with Clover; his idiotic bodyguards had just made their appearances, and were standing around, doing nothing important. Suddenly Die appeared in the middle of the room, coming from one of the numerous timelines he traveled between. After he’d shaken off his bewildered look, he approached the two of us, obviously intent on getting something off his chest.

“Damn that Itchy!” he yelled once we were within earshot, “his antics have gotten him killed in more timelines then I care to count!”

Die was a bit of a sucker, always willing to play a game with someone, even if he knew he would lose. Itchy was always there to engage him in a game of poker, which normally ended with him fuming over his latest loss.

“I keep telling you not to play with him,” Clover responded, in his normal sing-song-like voice.

“Even in timelines that Diamonds Droog, Hearts Boxcars, and Clubs Deuce are dead in he has been killed because he pranked the wrong guy,” Die grumbled, oblivious to Clover’s advice.

Diamonds Droog, Hearts Boxcars, and Clubs Deuce, three names that meant little to me; apparently, in many of the timelines Die travels to, those three, along with Mayor Spades Slick, had formed a gang called the Midnight Crew. In this timeline, their pins are in Die’s voodoo doll. I asked him once why he doesn’t have Slick’s pin to the doll, and he tells me that if Slick wasn’t around, then the town never would have come into existence. So instead, Slick’s gang member’s pins were. They must have been a bad influence on the mayor; he was such a nice man in this timeline. Of course, Lord English had him under his thumb at all times.

“Calm yourself Die, unless you want to scare Eggs again,” Clover called to his comrade.

Die looked back at Clover’s two guards. Biscuits had hidden in his oven the moment Die appeared, Eggs, however, had stayed, and was looking at Die like the moron he was. Die shook his head, and came closer to us, before continuing in a more civil tongue.

“Surely you two must agree with me, Itchy is a menace,” he sighed.

“Yes,” Clover agreed, “but he is a useful menace, especially since Doze keeps getting captured.”

“Itchy does make life here a little easier, even if he has his annoyances,” I said to Die.

“Itchy and Doze, we get along well enough without them in other timelines,” Die muttered.

It was at that moment that Itchy made his appearance, zipping into the room so fast that it was as if he had appeared as suddenly as Die did.

“Speak of the devil!” Clover called gleefully.

Itchy responded with something incomprehensible, he obviously hadn’t speed up time for the rest of us again. He wanted for us to return to normal speed, before he spoke again.

“Hello to you to, Clover,” he said, “So you were talking about me?”

The two of us looked to Die, wondering if he would explain himself to Itchy. He shook his head, and left, off to annoy someone else. Itchy shrugged, and followed him out, asking Die if he wanted to play cards. Unsurprisingly, he accepted, and the two disappeared down another corridor.

“If Itchy’s antics are what get him killed, Die’s short temper, or short attention span, will be his,” Clover sighed.

“Probably,” I agreed.

 

[Rex]

Working with The Felt had its ups and downs. One of the largest downs was Snowman. She was the only girl in the gang, and probably the most dangerous of the bunch. How can I describe Snowman? She was stronger the Cans, but nowhere near as ugly. I first met here during my first week with The Felt, and the experience scared me for the rest of my life, literally and figuratively…

It was my sixth day with The Felt. Stitch was making me an effigy; somehow those things could stop you from dying, if Stitch could repair them in time. There was also the danger of the effigy being destroyed, which would kill you as well. Stitch hid them well, though, so there was little risk of any of them being destroyed by anyone but him. This made him a very dangerous enemy to have.

“Hold still or I won’t be able to make it right!” Stitch yelled for the one hundredth time.

It was very hard for me not to fidget while Stitch sewed the effigy together. Every so often I felt pricks in my arms as the effigies magic struggled to activate. Stitch had added a bandanna and goggles very similar to my own to the effigy before finishing it. I think he did it to spite me, but I really didn’t know. Eventually, the pricking stopped; Stitch had finally finished my effigy.

“Finished, you can move now,” the tailor called to me.

I immediately got up and stretched. I hated sitting still for so long. I watched as a rope descended from the ceiling, a hangman’s noose on the end. Stitch hung the effigy by the neck, making me feel a choking sensation for a moment. Stitch watched me struggle, taking some sort of pleasure in my pain. After I could finally breathe again, the effigy was hoisted into the ceiling, disappearing to wherever The Felt’s tailor kept them.

Suddenly, Die stumbled into the room, aided by Crowbar and Fin. He looked badly beaten, and was muttering curses at the Green Torso known as Snowman. I had never met Snowman; all I knew is that her hat said “8” and that she was not one to be messed with.

“Found his Future Trail lying helpless outside of Snowman’s room,” Fin reported, “Retard must have appeared in there.”

“I can hear you, you know,” Die gurgled.

Stitch nodded, and another roped lowered itself from the ceiling. There was an effigy in the noose on this one as well, wearing a green bowler hat. Its rips and marks matched Die’s wounds perfectly. Crowbar and Fin enlisted my aid in getting Die on his feet, though I still didn’t realize what was going on. Stitch started to repair the holes in the effigy, at the same time, the holes in Die started to disappear, and it was only then that I realized that the effigy was Die’s. Stitch worked quickly, a lot quicker then what he had when making my effigy, and Die could soon stand on his own feet.

“Take note,” Fin said to me while Die was receiving the finishing touches on his repairs, “that is what happens to those that cross Snowman.”

It was at that moment, when Die had finally finished getting repaired, that Snowman walked in. She was smoking, using one of those old fashioned cigarette holders to keep the keep the cigarette away from her face. When she saw Die her eyes narrowed, and she took the cigarette holder out of her mouth and put the lit end of the cigarette on the back of Die’s head, making him shout out in pain. He crumpled to the floor, while a small fire appeared on the effigy. Stitch put out the fire while I made the mistake of running towards Die to see if he was alright.

As soon as I got close to Snowman, her cigarette holder transformed into her trusty lance. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground, with a hole in my chest! Snowman stared at me, contempt in her eyes, before stalking out of the room. After that, my memory is fuzzy, but I do remember Crowbar helping me to my feet, and Stitch quickly patching up the hole in my effigy’s chest. After that I passed out, and woke up in my room the next day, with a cross-like scar on my chest.