Funny Quotes you'd put in your Sig

[KoL]

I'd say I'm a million percent. That is better than a hundred percent.

From Randy "Macho Man" Savage, showing us just how good he is at basic math.

Ah, I am a genius, hm hm hm hmmm!

From Halo's 343 Guilty Spark. Just one of many reasons why people want to bash the circuit boards out of that self-absorbed lightbulb.

I'll take out the generator on the west side.

Rundas, from Metroid Prime 3, showing us how gangsta he is....or was.

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

Joey: "Bro, I smell trouble!"
Tristian: "Actually thats me. Sorry..."

---Yugioh Movie.

 

[Gardevoir Master]

From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze, back in the by-gone era of 1991...

Shredder (referring to the freshly-mutated Tokka and Rahzar): They're stupid...
Prof. Perry: They're not stupid! They're infants!
*Rahzar hits Tokka in the head with a lead pipe and laughs*
Perry: Okay, so they're stupid infants... What'd you expect? They'd come out quoting Macbeth?

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

Cosmo, from Fairly OddParents:

"No one calls Wanda but except my mother...and me that one time and I'll never make that mistake again!"

 

[charaefive]

These two I got from Mr. Macintosh (yes, that was his name), my 10th grade English teacher (who was an avid fan of us watching Sesame Street in order to give essays on which celebrity was featured). I'm not sure if he got them from somewhere else, but for now, since I heard them from him, I'll name him

"Do kamikaze pilots really need helmets?"

and

"If a Kangaroo came and licked your face, would a Koala really care?"

This one is all mine (ranted out after the sixth essay given to us in a week by our 12th grade English teacher)

"Essays are creative pieces of writing, which allow for absolutely no creativity at all!"

And this one I got from my sister, again, I have no idea if she got it from someone else, or not.

"If knowledge is power, and power corrupts, study hard and be evil!"

 

[Silver Scizor]

here's one from futurama:

Amy- Hey, where's my parasol?

Bender- I don't know, but it wasn't here when I took your umbrella.

HA HA uhhh....

 

[Chibi]

These are some from Bleach manga:

In the third book:

*Ichigo suddenly sees Rukia at the end of the road, waving a him*
Ichigo(thinking): What in the name of all that's magical is she doing here?!

Rukia: Are you trying to wake the neighbors?! Can't a Soul Reaper get dressed in peace?!
*steps on Kon*
*Kon looks between her legs* (Note that she's wearing a mini-skirt)
Kon: You're okay! STAND RIGHT THERE!!

 

[Cinder]

Rather than just tell you guys what was said, I'll post the screen cap

Remember...don't do drugs, folks!!

 

[Michieru]

From Futurama

Dr. Zoidberg: Ha ha ha! It's funny because it's poisonous!

Frisky Dingo

Dottie: Ok now what did you think of that Campaign Ad?
Decepticles: Yeah. Good. Awesome. Etc.
Woman: Woah woah woah. That was horrible. First off, why is there a penguin at the mexican border?
Decepticles: Hey yeah! Whats up with that? What the heck? Etc.
Dottie: Uhh...
Woman: And secondly. This grape soda tastes like CRAP!
Decepticle: YEAH. WHAT IS THIS? LIQUID ANGER?! *punches another Decepticle in the face.

 

[Chibi]

Last night I was searching on Youtube for "Family Guy", and I found this (Warning: pretty long):

Meg: Hey Brian.
Brian: Oh Meg, hey. Listen, I hope you're feeling alright about our little talk the other day. You know, about us just being friends and all.
Meg: Oh yeah, I'm fine I'm fine. And hey, look I want to thank you for being so great to me. So I baked you a pie.
Brian: Oh wow. That looks delicious. *takes a bite* Mmmm. Wow this is good! What's in there?
Meg: Well, there some apples, and some cinnamon, and... my hair.
Brian: What?
Meg: My hair is in the pie Brian. And now it's inside of you. Part of me, is inside of you Brian. Do you feel me Brian? Do you feel me inside of you? *walks off and Stewie comes in*
Stewie: Ooh, you got some pie huh? Can I have a piece?
Brian: Uhh, sure.
Stewie: Ooo, let me have some of that Cool Huip.
Brian: What'd you say?
Stewie: You can't have a pie without Cool Huip.
Brian: Cool Huip?
Stewie: Cool Huip, yea.
Brian: You mean Cool Whip?
Stewie: Stewie: Cool Huip, yea.
Brian: Cool Whip.
Stewie: Cool Huip.
Brian: Cool Whip.
Stewie: Cool Huip.
Brian: You're saying it weird, why are you puting so much emphasis on the 'H'?
Stewie: What are you talking about? I'm just saying it Cool Huip. You put Cool Huip on pie. Pie tastes better with Cool Huip.
Brian: say whip.
Stewie: Whip
Brian: Now say Cool Whip.
Stewie: Cool Huip.
Brian: Cool Whip.
Stewie: Cool Huip.
Brian:Cool Whip.
Stewie: Cool Huip.
Brian: YOU'RE EATING HAIR!!!

I also found this for Family Guy, this isn't as long thankefully:

Stewie: Mommy! I'm dying! I'm dying! I said I'm dying!! HEY I'M DYING UP HERE!!! What is this, a Tommy Lee pool party?!

 

[Gardevoir Master]

Here's one from the anime Pilot Candidate that I used in a sig once. I can't remember how it goes exactly, but in this scene Kizna has dragged Zero into an airlock, thinking a space walk might cheer him up.

Kizna: Put your spacesuit on, or you'll explode.
[Zero continues to sit against the wall silently.]
Kizna: Zero... Do you want to explode?

 

[LOLWUT]

anything by smosh. xD

 

[auragirl]

hear are a few i found:

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

 

[King of Rhinos]

hehe, another from Pirates, though I'm not sure if it's exact...and Sao Fang is probably not how it's spelled...

Sao Fang:*takes person with fake tattoo* Drop your weapons or I kill the man
Barbosa: Kill him, he's not our man

pure win with that one

I know I'm forgetting something...

oh, yeah, here's one from my friend
might be inappropriate to some
[glow=black,2,300]*after he keeps saying "spur of the moment"* I swear, one time I'm going to accidentally say sperm of the moment[/glow]

and something I would put, though others won't understand it
from the same person:

I think I broke your spoon...yup, I broke your spoon
Me: no, you just bent it

from Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Prince John: A mime is a terrible thing to waste

 

[Cinder]

Here are a few more from H4x0RZ...be warned, some of these may contain references inappropriate for children (though they ain't that bad imo *shrugs*)

CyberFish: Chris is stoned! XD
ThePinkPig: bad chris
Cinder: Shhh...no words...just emotions...

ThePinkPig: What's that?
Cinder: Me in a cat suit...
Cinder: That's what that is...

Twiddle: It's a little short.
ThePinkPig: What?
Cinder: Your...oh, never mind...

CyberFish: We could talk to Hmaal...he's the only other member on right now
(Hmaal leaves)
CyberFish: Damn it -_-
Cinder: You scared him :|...way to go, creep

My friend: Have you ever seen the movie "Living Hell"?
Me: OMG, they made a movie 'bout mah life?!?!

For the record, I don't hate my life, but I HAD to say it ^_^...

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

Thie following happened one night at the dinner table a few weeks ago between my little bro an I:

Kris(my brother): *gets up from table* *comes back and sits down*
Me: "Why'd you go, Kris?"
Kris: "There was something stuck in my cum...wait...I mean gum."
Me: O_o......
Kris: ''What, Travis?"
Me: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

I swear, I almost choked on my Pasta-Roni.. -_-;

 

[UltimatePokemo]

This isn't that funny, but...
Jake: I want to get my edumacation.
Adam: Zut? --- My Gym Partner's A Monkey
The show isn't that good, but when I watched it I was seriously bored.
Here's another:
'Come to the dark side. We have cookies/brownies!' --- many places (just google it and see for yourself)
Here's a long list I found randomly-
1. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
2. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
3. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
4. Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
5. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
6. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
7. Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
8. A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
9. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
10. I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
13. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
14. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
15. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
16. There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
17. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
18. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
19. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
20. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
21. Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
22. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
23. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
24. Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
26. If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
27. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
28. Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
29. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
30. Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
31. Look out for #1. Don't step in #2.
32. Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
33. Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
34. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
35. Do witches run spell checkers?
36. Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
37. Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
38. Dain bramaged.
39. Department of Redundancy Department
40. Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
41. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
42. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
43. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
44. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
45. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
46. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
47. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
48. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
49. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
50. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
51.
52. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
53. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
54. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
55. The name is Baud......, James Baud.
56. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
57. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
58. C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
59. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
60. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
61. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
62. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
63. Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups.
64. E Pluribus Modem
65. ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
66. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
67. A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
68. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
69. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
70. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
71. A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
72. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
73. 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
74. Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
75. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
76. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
77. Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
78. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
79. RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
80. Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
81. All computers wait at the same speed.
82. DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
83. Press -- to continue ...
84. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
85. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
86. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
87. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
88. Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
89. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
90. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
91. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
92. DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
93. Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
94. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
95. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
96. Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.

 

[fuzzy]

Heres two:
"Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin
Sadly, that is not a lie , it's an actual quote.... lol.

If "pro" is the opposite of "con" is the opposite of "progress" "congress"?

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

Here's a couple I thought that were funny from the Iron Man movie:

*Stark's robots are trying to help him get out of Iron Man suit*
Tony: "C'mon! This was designed to come off."
*His assistant, Pepper, walks in*
Tony: *turns around* "...You've caught me doing worse things."

Tony: "Look, Pepper, I was in cptivity for three months. Now, there are two things I want; I want an American cheeseburger, and 2nd, I....
Pepper: *rolls eyes* "Oh, God...."
Tony: "No, its not what you think it is....I want a press confrence."

 

[Merata]

Here are a few quotes form the game, star wars republic commando;

[on the elevator on Kashyyyk]
Scorch - Um, why aren't we moving?
Boss - Sev, the button.
Sev - Oh! Sorry, sir.

Clone Advisor - We

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

LOL on that last on, Merata.

Here's a funny pick up line I heard once:

I'm like a rubix cube. The longer you play with me, the harder I get.

 

[Hoenn Master]

Damn Pyromancer stole my icecream!!!

--A friend of mine.

Sebastion: Codeword: Waffles!
Me: ...
Sebastion: Pancakes!
Me: ...
Sebastion: Sausage!?
Me: Breakfast Platter! Now shut the hell up!

--Me and him in Gym Class, playing a game.

AL

 

[Aero]

AWESOME HERE IT (they)GOES

"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." - Robert Bloch

Dan Quayle said the next 4
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling."- (don't know)ANONYMOUS

last but not least

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

Here is a "Chinese probverb" I heard once:

'Man who runs behind car gets exsauhted (sp?)..Man who runs in front of car gets tired."

 

[Merata]

Here are a few more from republic commando:

[when setting a demo charge]
Scorch: Was it "red-red-green" or "red-green-red?"
Sev: And he's supposed to be the demolition expert?

Clone Advisor: Three-Eight, now that you've disabled the Anti-Air turret, we're making a supply drop near your current position. Keep an eye out for it. Payload includes a special anti-armor attachment for your DC-17. You're going to need it.
Scorch: Yes! More explosives! You just made my day, Advisor.

Scorch: Debris blocking our path here, Boss. We need to detonate the rocks to get through. And I'm not just saying that because I love to blow stuff up.
Sev: Yes you are.

[after rescuing Scorch]
Scorch: Did I miss anything important?
Boss: No. Did you get the data?
Scorch: Yeah. They searched me, but I hid the data pretty well.
Boss: Where exactly?
Scorch: You don't want to know.
Boss: Roger that.

And now for some deleted scenes:

Fixer: Accessing Anti-Air controls. Ooh, this is nice. I can do much better than just "offline." Separatist turrets now targeting... Separatist craft.
Scorch: Fixer, you're sick. I respect that.

Boss: We're headed up to the top, squad. Be prepared for anything.
Scorch: I'll take up any day. Down's always been bad for me.
Fixer: Do you ever stop talking, Six-Two?
Sev: Up, down, what's the difference? As long as we live and they die.

 

[Uki]

A conversation between my grandma's neighbor and my dad-

Neighbor: Are you on a diet?
My dad: Yeah a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

 

[Aero]

CHOKE the official soft drink of the New York Yankees- giant poster my friend had

 

[Chibi]

From Halo 2, when the Brute leader had a hold of Guilty Spark.

Jhonson: Hey! Don't break the lightbulb.

Halo 3

Jhonson: One day you're gonna land on something as stubborn as you are. And I don't do bits and pieces.

 

[AutoS07]

The one already in my sig...

 

[Chibi]

From the movie Fiddler on the Roof:

Perchik: Money is the world's curse.
Tevye: And may God smite me with it! And I never get better...

I laughed so hard at that.

When Tevye has to find another match for his daughter:

Motel: But Tevye! I can help-
Tevye: Oh sure! Like a Band-Aid can help a cold.

Motel: Thank you Tevye! I promise you won't be sorry!
Tevye: I'm already sorry!

I have some Transformer ones but I'll post 'em later.

 

[Purple Hero]

This happened in school.

Teacher: Emily.  Who was the general of the Continental Army?
Emily: Wait, wait, I know this one.  Was it... George Bush?
Teacher: (Takes her hand and covers her nodding no face with it.) Yes.  And George Washington is the current president!  What do you think?
Emily: I'm starting to think that it is Washington.
Teacher: Ya think?  No point for you.

Yes.  My teacher is super special chocolatey fudge coated awesome.  I know.  To think... George Bush?  General of Continental Army?  You've got to be kidding me, Emily!  Ugh.

 

[Cinder]

It's been a while since I posted here, hasn't it? Love some of y'all's quotes...I lol'd while I was catching up ^_^

Anyway:

BarkAtTheMoon: What happens on the internet stays on the internet...
Cinder: ^_^...not when it amuses the masses...

BarkAtTheMoon: OMG!! I once saw a video of James Earl Jones counting to five XD!
Cinder: Lemme guess...longest video in YouTube history?

BarkAtTheMoon: never take an offer from some guy in a fancy suit who offers you a free trip.
Cinder: Especially when said trip is to "Neverneverland"...trust me...it's not as fun as he says it is >.>

CyberFish: When I die...the first thing I'm gonna do is cuss Mother Nature out >.>

Cinder: I just saw a story that shows just how stupid humans can be...
Twiddle: Autobiography?

Cloud Car 2- IDC i already got 3 chicks on speed dial ready for a good time
Mr.Marth- Rosie O'Donnel and her friends requested that you not call them anymore.

CyberFish: Dude, I just saw an ad that said Bush's IQ was 125 XD
CyberFish: The problem is I saw the ad ON HERE. >.>
Cinder: I think that's our cue to get AdFree...

 

[Purple Hero]

Another from the same Emily in my last quote!

God made dirt and dirt don't hurt!

She gets on my teacher's nerves, since my teacher HATES dirt and messes. We are painting our class wall in a few weeks before the year ends, and Emily is prolbably going to put that.

 

[Shiny Motley]

From Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (note that this isn't word for word quotes, but closest to what I remember)

Reepicheep: Choose your last words wisely!
Caspian: You're a mouse...
Reepicheep: I was hoping for something a bit more original...

Soldier: You're a.... mouse
Reepicheep: Why can't you guys be more creative these days!?

And I think that's how you spell his name... Reepicheep...

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

(Yes, that is how you spell Reepicheep...I've read all 7 books.)

Here's a quote from the latest Indiana jones Movie:

Mary (when her and Jones are stuck in quicksand): "Mutt's real name is Henry Jones III. He's your son!"
Indy:*remembering something Mutt said earlier about his mom saying it was okay if he quit school*: O_O "WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE HIM FINISH SCHOOL!!?"

 

[Hoenn Master]

A couple random ones from... around.

007 Nightfire the Game Dialogue
-James just blew up Rook's Helicopter from a gondola. Now he has to zipline down with one of the 'Miss Bonds' of the movie, Zoe.

James: Hang On!
Zoe: I thought you'd never ask. *Ziplines down with Bond. They crash, and Bond is on top.* Why do you seem to always be on top?
Bond: Uh, lower center of gravity?

Nightfire Multiplayer
-There is a weapon in Nightfire called the Pheonix Samuri, it is a laser with an Overcharge feature that blasts a powerful burst of... blue effects.

Me: Gotta love Overcharge!

And, a classic, if you know what this is...

IMA FIRIN MA LAZAH!!

A vid on youtube
-Runescape Shoop Da Woop

Person: Ima chargin mah lazah!
'n00b': What?
Person: Ima firin' mah lasah!! *Blasts him with Lazah!*

AL...

Is chargin' his lazah!!

 

[blackdaisy13]

"I have amnesia and deja vu at the same time! I think I've forgotten this before!" >.>

 

[Mystic_Suicune]

A quote from the CN show, Chowder:

Chowder: "Try not to think about pooping!"
Schnitzel: "RADA!!"

Here's one from Underdog:

Underdog: *saves cat from a buring fire* "Hey, listen, don't tell any of your cat buddies about this. I've gotta reputation to uphold"
Cat: "Freak..."
Underdog: "Yup, I thought that was you."

 

[Chibi]

Here's some from the PS2 game, Jak 3

Jak: But I have nothing to offer
Kleaver: Well that yapping rodent of yours looks a bit bony, but skinned and buttered. He'd make a nice treat.
Daxter: Forget it! Jak would never-
Jak: Done.

Cracked me up.

Daxter: Yeah, we want a recount!
Veager: Oh, so I see you wish to join him.
Pecker: Actually, we are not that outraged. Farewell Jak!

It's actually much longer, but that's the funny part.

Precusor 1: Do not underestimate us. We are the most powerful being in the universe after all.
Precursor 3: We are?
Precursor 1&2: SHHHHHH!!!

Make my friend laugh.

 

[purplechu]

Pretty Pink Ponnys PWN Purple Ponys- Me

I Eat Nails For Breakfast... To bad It Makes my throat hurt later- Me