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Little Things That Matter

1

112% Elusive

Yes. A fic by me. Now shush. This is my first fiction, so I need a lot of critique. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm going to finish it. Please keep in mind I wrote this at 12:30 AM EST in the morning before you attack me. >>
renamed chapter 1.
Heh, capitalized title wrong XD Thanks to Katie for finding it.

Chapter 1

All the ifs in Cari's life. The ones that changed her life forever. If she didn't snap that day on the playground. If she didn't slap that bully silly. If she behaved in detention. If she turned in her trainer application on time. All the 'ifs' that caused her life to get tangled in the webs of life.

On the day of Cari's 13th birthday, she was ready to turn in the application that allowed her to capture a pokemon to bond with and care for.

*beep! beep! beep!*

"ugh...." Cari replied quite sleepily. She hated getting up in the morning, even though this was the day that kicked off her pokemon journey. Cari had to wait an extra 3 years to graduate from the trainers school after an incident 5 years ago. Cari was going to make up for it all.

Wordlessly, she got out of bed and got dressed, so tired she occasionally bumped into a few things. All of her thoughts were focused on which pokemon she was going to start her journey with. Cari began talking to herself, her voice bouncing off the bare walls in her room. Her voice seemed to be answering back.
"Which pokemon should get?'

"A water type?"

"Nah, too generic."

"A Grass type?"

Cari continued in this vein for quite a while, maybe ten minutes. then, she seemed to have made up her mind.

"I want to start out with a pokemon few trainers start out with." She declared bravely, throwing a scarf around her neck.

"I also better get dressed soon so I don't miss the designated time" She mumbled.

The rest of the morning flashed by Cari, or at least in her mind's eye. Cari simply remembers that morning as 'a blur of energy, color, emotion, and noise."

Noise. Cari hated that. It always seemed to try to pry deep into her mind, try to read her thoughts, try to unravel them....

-----

"Alright, you three trainers have been selected this year to become pokemon trainers, so we expect you to become trainers Snowpoint City can be proud of."

Cari listened to the speech that Nurse Joy gave, apparently unaware of the shifty looks the other two candidates were giving her, or ignoring them altogether.

"Alright, we expect you to have a pokemon before 8 PM tonight, so we can give your pokemon of choice a check-up so everyone starts on the same foot." Nurse joy said.

8 PM, that gives me about 10 hours to catch a pokemon. Cari thought simply.

"So, I'll leave you to your own devices, just be sure to be back here at 8 PM."

"Yes, Nurse joy" the other two trainers replied enthusiastically. Cari sounded less enthusiastic.

Cari couldn't wait to get out of the pokemon center, she was standing in the same position so long, her legs fell asleep.

"At my whistle, you all go out to Acuity Lakefront and Route 217, but no further than Route 217, you all got that?"

"Yes Nurse Joy"

"Ready, set, go!'

*TWEET*

Finally, we get to the whole point. Cari thought, quite annoyed now.

As the other two trainers raced out of the pokemon center, Cari hesitated for a second, the raced out after them.

This is longer than I thought XD
 
Shocari

Shocari

Hmmm...now this is very interesting. Being able to go and catch your first Pokeyman instead of choosing a generic starter? Brilliant!

I expect to be seeing as much awesomeness in this fic as in your artwork, Shado.

I for one find it to be quite fascinating, and think that you should keep up with it. Once again, BRILLIANT!
 
Plapti

Plapti

Different start, as compared to most people. It's quite unique, and such should be seen uniquely.

Regardless of it's seen, it's awesome. Next chapter should be awesome.
 
1

112% Elusive

Chapter 2

As Cari darted out of the pokemon Center, A blast of fresh, cold air split the stillness. Cari headed straight to Acuity Lakefront, so fast as if she was the North Wind. On her way there, she and the other 2 trainers went separate ways.

---
Cari all of a sudden stopped short.

Acuity Lakefront she thought to herself.

She then started burrowing through the Tall Grass, with no luck for about 30 minutes.
This is useless! she thought angrily.

Just then one of the other to-be trainers showed up, clutching a small brown pig pokemon with a pink snout and darker brown stripes running the length of its body. A swinub, that's what Cari thinks they're called.

"Hey you! Look what I caught!" The trainer said gleefully.
Good for you, now shut your trap so I can look for mine Cari thought disdainfully.
"Hey You! Are you deaf or something?"The trainer said angrily, when Cari didn't answer.

Just then the other to-be trainer appeared, a girl with aqua blue hair, with a yellow hairclip keeping her hair out of he face.
"Yuski, she isn't responding to me!" The trainer with the Swinub said, with a note of dissatisfaction.
"Because she's probably annoyed at you, as she hasn't caught a pokemon yet, so Devin, shut up and let her find a pokemon, for the love of Sinnoh Space-Time." The trainer apparently called Yuski said, in a somewhat snappish tone. She obviously found this kid Devin annoying too.

"Hey! You're probably just jealous of my Swinub!" Devin snapped back.

For the love of Sinnoh Space-Time, make those two shut their traps. Cari thought.

While the two young trainers were squabbling over who's pokemon was better, Cari made a swift break for the trees.

---

She halted when she heard a voice, belonging to a male, Cari guessed.

"How long does it take to extract Uxie for the Cavern?" The voice said impatiently.

"Not much longer sir." A different, female voice responded.

"It better be done soon." The male's voice said, growing more impatient.

Cari crawled out and away from the people who were apparently "extracting a Uxie".

---

Just two more hours, then time's up Cari reminded herself mentally.

Cari was beginning to grow frantic. She hadn't found her pokemon yet, but a shape caught her eyes. Cari crept closer toward the spherical shape, to see what it was. Wind buffeted her face, but at last she could see what it was.

An egg. A smoky white pokemon egg. Cari looked around. The parent pokemon was nowhere to be seen. Cari touched the egg gently. It almost froze off Cari's finger.

The parent pokemon has been away for a long time, for the egg to be this cold.

Cari checked her watch. Time was almost up. Cari would have to go for broke. She scooped up the egg and placed it into a sweater she found to keep it warm. She began to walk back to the pokemon center, trying to shield the delicate egg, getting buffeted by the wind in the process.

---

"Finally, the extraction of Uxie is complete." a voice sounded into the radio.

"Commander Saturn will be pleased, he's had about enough of this cold climate" another voice said.

---

Yes, I know Saturn doesn't go after Uxie in the games. I know. >>

It looked longer than this. >>
 
Plapti

Plapti

Whatever is inside the egg has made me curious. The suspense you've built is quite effective.

And yes, we all run into that problem Shado, it doesn't look as long as it should be. Just like, preview your post before posting or something. From my personal experience, Word doesn't do it any justice in terms of display on 'Charms.
 
1

112% Elusive

I noticed. I did preview it. still looked longer. X_X

I actually jumped from "prolouge" to "chapter 2" XP

I'll write down more next time. Wordpad does no justice!
 
Secad MS

Secad MS

This sounds like it's going somewhere. I wonder if she's going to catch a really strong Pokemon, maybe one enchanted by Uxie. I wonder if they can even imbue things with power.
 
Tatile

Tatile

Secad said:
This sounds like it's going somewhere. I wonder if she's going to catch a really strong Pokemon, maybe one enchanted by Uxie. I wonder if they can even imbue things with power.
Click to expand...

It would be funny if it were just a normal Pokemon, like a Bidoof, hehe. But I'm evil like that.

Nice going though, this fic is looking quite interesting.
 
Magpie

Magpie

Feathered Overseer
Staff member
Moderator
Nice story so far, Shado ^^

I really like how you started off, it really is quite original and an interesting one at that. I'll not guess as to whom is inside the egg, since it could be any number of Pokemon - and even then you may not be sticking to who's found by the lake in the game.

Only thing I'd say is that your descriptions of how Cari is feeling are really good, but you don't seem to go into the landscape description so much. There may be a reason, so if there is ignore me, but otherwise it's nice to know what the area looks like.

Great work, I shall await the next chapter ^^
 
1

112% Elusive

For two reasons I don't go into landscape.

1. If I do that, I tend to get carried away.

2. Cari doesn't really "take in" most of her surroundings. She kinda lives in her head XP

The pokemon in the egg is not going to be a pokemon found near Snowpoint city.
 
Shocari

Shocari

Oooooohhhhh! Mysterious egg with some pokeyman inside= suspenseful, awesome, original

Nice job once again. I don't think that you'll ever give me a reason to say that anything that needs improvement.

Shado said:
I actually jumped from "prolouge" to "chapter 2" XP
Click to expand...

LOL.
 
Xatu

Xatu

Really nice so far. I like the concept and I'm really looking forward to see where this is going.

Shado said:
The pokemon in the egg is not going to be a pokemon found near Snowpoint city.
Click to expand...
There goes my hope that it was a baby Uxie.
 
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