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Fanfic help

If you go to my page, you'll see Pokemon Beya. I'm a bit self concious as to my ability so...please give me some feedback. What looks good? What can I change? Also What about Nicole? Is she Mary Sue? Does she have flaws? Is she alright? Please help me out here...

Psycho Monkey

Member of the Literary Elite Four
I've only read the first two chapters so far, but you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself. It's a bit rough around the edges, but hey, everyone has to start somewhere. You'll naturally improve as you go on. Nicole isn't too bad of a character from what I've seen of her so far. I'm interested in seeing how she develops as the story progresses.

My biggest suggestion is to add more descriptions to your scenery. Since the Beya Region is your creation, you have to put in the extra effort to describe what it looks like so the rest of us can visualize it. What's the topography like? Is it a mostly flat coastal region or is it mountainous with dense forests? What's the climate? Is it a northern region that will be a bit chilly even in the summer or a tropical region with warm temperatures year round? What kind of environments can we expect to see? Beaches and reefs obviously, but are there also icecaps or deserts? Where are cities and towns located in relation to one another? The same goes for the appearances and attributes of your fakemon. We know nothing about them so give us as much info as you can. After I've read the rest of the fic, I can give you proper feedback in the comments of each chapter so please continue. You're off to a good start so far! :)