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Steal the Briefcase!

The Huntress is an expert at hunting anything with her Hunting Hatchets. With a few perfectly-aimed tosses, she snipes your cat off of the unicycle.
The Huntress grabs the snazzy briefcase as it falls and gives it to The Oni, the lovely fella in my profile picture. He uses a Katana and a Kanabo.
 

=Nightshade=

Previously Night's Shadow
Shapeshifter turns into a fly, flies up the guy’s nose, turns into a TRex, causing his brain to explode, and snags the briefcase with her tiny little front claws. Then she runs away.
 
I turn off the television, for I have grown tired of this movie. The plot makes no sense, the characters are boring, and there seems to be no possible resolution to the conflict. Fortunately, the real briefcase on the sofa next to me would never be stolen like that, right?
 

Spachino

Previously El Spazzino
I poof next to the meta statement that was just made, which was well-executed, but unfortunately, this is not the point. I pull out a picture of SCP-096's face on the television, watch the sparks fly, and take the briefcase and turn the movie back on.
 
When Anvils fall like rain, crushing you under a ton of them, after the anvil storm clears up, I pick up the brief case and seal it in an Isolated Dimension.
 

=Nightshade=

Previously Night's Shadow
I contact NASA to launch a space missile to blow up the moon, then I tell my Smash Ultimate main Ridley to retrieve the briefcase for me.

(I can’t believe I’m still getting notifs for this OwO)
 
You forgot that Icarus falls to the ground... and perishes. Luckily for you, I have a trampoline that breaks your fall. Unluckily, you lose your grip on the briefcase, and I grab it.
 
As you grab the briefcase, a harpoon gets shot through your chest. You turn to where the chain came from, and you see a tall, old man that looks like a cowboy. He reels you in with his harpoon gun, and then stabs you with a sharp blade on the edge of his rifle. As you bleed out from the deep wound, he grabs the briefcase, lights a cigarette, takes a single puff, and tosses it on your body. He then runs off into the nearby saloon.
 
You are transported to a damp, dark and abandoned hospital. You hear distant screams and laughter. This makes you scared out of your mind, and then you hear the laughs and screams get louder and closer. A man in a doctor's coat, with one of those mechanical things that holds your mouth wide open, shocks you multiple times, causing you to go insane. You run, but there's no way to hide. Fake Doctors show up, crows screech at you, revealing your location, and eventually you think you're safe before being stabbed by The Doctor via a spiky stick. As you fall on the floor, he rubs his hands to charge static electricity, and fries your brain via concentrated electricity. He grabs the briefcase and leaves, chuckling all the way.
 
Ummm... again, made of spaghetti. Electricity can burn me, sure, but stabbing isn’t as effective as you seem to think. While much of this occurred as you said, you missed one small detail. One of those ‘crows’ was actually Koron the Raven, who followed the doctor and cawed, causing all the other crazy doctors to come and dogpile him. While they’re all distracted, Koron flies off and drops the briefcase down the chimney of Santa’s house.
 
I see what you're trying to do. You think I'll feel guilty for killing Santa and taking the briefcase, huh? Well I haven't believed in Santa for a few years. I don't stab Santa or something. I simply startle him, making him suffer a fatal heart attack and he passes away. I take the briefcase and go to my restaurant. There are plenty of ways for me to defend myself there. Knives, forks, deep fryers, ovens, grinders, etc.
 
Ms. Claus gives her husband medical attention. Now you’re on the naughty list. In fact, Santa is so upset that he sends your present early. Your oven opens to reveal massive amounts of burning hot coal, which flood out and set everything on fire. In the confusion a Litten slips in and takes the briefcase outside, puts the fires out of the briefcase, and lays down on it for a nap.
 
The Litten (actually a disguised Zorua) is rescued several minutes later and brought home. Meanwhile, you run into the horizon because I painted a solid brick wall to look like the horizon, just for art practice. The paint is sticky, and the briefcase becomes stuck to the wall.
 
Since you never said that you grabbed the briefcase, I just swoop in with my Elytra (full durability) and grab it, soaring away rapidly. I also have a Sharpness V Netherite Sword and Unbreaking V Shield.
 
You fly up, and up, and then you hit the solid blue dome of the sky. The briefcase drops and lands on a trampoline, where some small kids start tossing it to each other.
 
One other kid is skating around with his skateboard, but I secretly paid him about $10 to swoop in and steal the briefcase via an impressive jump to grab it mid-air.
I pay him $15 extra for style points and he hands me the briefcase and I head to a Minecraft cave. There are a bunch of corridors and turns, which one am I in?
Hehehe...
 

Gamingfan

Previously Gamingfan2
A yoob come out of nowhere, eats the yoshi and the briefcase, and walks away with it inside it's belly.

(Power of irony)
 
I Would grab a muramasa and whisper " Ka"e"shite" before climbing the corpulent Yoob before entering its mouth and thriving down its damp and gooey thorax before sliding down the its body before reaching its stomach. I would naruto run and kick @Gamingfan into the bottom of the digestive tract where he dissolves and gets broken down by the acidic enzymes, running out and falling out of its hole with the briefcase, Mario and Luigi Partners in Time style.

I Hide the suitcase in the depths of a Volcano
 
Where a Heatran snags the briefcase and Dragon Pulses @Scrafty as he leaves the volcano. A forest full of flying Pokemon including a Rayquaza rise up and take guard of the briefcase, with myself on the Rayquaza.
 
I would be revived at the Pokemon Center by Red

I would see you and uses a smoke bomb to then appear on the Rayquaza and pushes you off before stealing the briefcase, you landing luckily on a tree and I jump off and throw the briefcase onto the top of an aeroplane
 
What you did not factor in was that the person controlling the aeroplane was ME!
I took the briefcase just as you threw it up there. I then toss a little something down to you: an arrow that I shot into your head.
I laugh like a psycho before flying away.
 

Spongzilla

Previously LizardWarrior
I use my epic ninja gamer skills to sneak up behind you and knock you out. I snatch the breifcase jumping out of the plane setting off the bombs blowing you to bits.
 

The Dark Fairy

Previously Eliiiscool
I had snuck onto the palm before hand, jumping before the explosion, landing on your back in midair, snatching the briefcase, jumping off of you, launching you to the ground. I unfold my jacket, using it as a glider to safely land on the ground.
 

Spongzilla

Previously LizardWarrior
Unfortunately you forgot to account for the fact that I had a vile of ant-man fluid making me incredible small. Crawling alone you jacket I cut holes everywhere and inevitable you crash into the ground whilst the syrup wears off I grab the briefcase and make a beeline for my secret underground lab.
 

Gamingfan

Previously Gamingfan2
I spill a load of water on you, bloating you until you can no longer move. I take the briefcase and teleport into space.
 

The Dark Fairy

Previously Eliiiscool
I look to the sky, pulling out majoras mask, making the moon fall and push you to me, grabbing the briefcase, I grab onto the moon and push it back into orbit, me on it still
 

The Dark Fairy

Previously Eliiiscool
What is not common knowledge, is that hippogriffs are afraid of chicken eggs, jumping out in front of you and throwing g eggs, the hippogriff tears up, allowing me to grab the briefcase, I run off, locking myself in an impenetrable nuclear bunker
 
Physically impenetrable perhaps but what if one didn’t have to penetrate it? I teleport inside, throwing a flock of miniature geese in your face to distract you. With the fowl distraction I swipe the briefcase and teleport away, into the stomach of a gargantuan goose currently swimming in lake Victoria. Protected from the acid in a protective suit I hold the suitcase, chilling comfortably in the digestive chamber of the giant bird.
 

Shikowara

Previously Lily May
Well...I bring out my wand and say, "Accio Briefcase", the briefcase comes to me, I climb up into my tree house, and lock it with so many locks, half of them I've lost the keys to...
 

The Dark Fairy

Previously Eliiiscool
I enter the tree house, melting the locks and grabbing the briefcase, I then snap my fingers, shattering all of reality to keep the briefcase to myself
 
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