Please don't read this you don't have to I just wanted to put this where no one I know IRL will see it... It's kinda depressing and I may have made mistakes x')
I feel like a really bad and fake person lately because I'm dying inside and feel like I'm going back to the state I was in back in "classe préparatoire" and I almost felt like killing myself to end the pain, yet I laugh and smile with my friends like nothing's happening, and I can't stand seeing people (especially couples) happy right now, and I kinda want my boyfriend to hurt because he's hurting me SO MUCH and says that I'll "get better eventually", yet I still love him, and I of course still love my friends even if they talk to me about their boyfriends and about my boyfriend... I just can't deal with this like I usually do, I'm not someone who cries a lot yet I randomly feel like crying since he told me he was feeling a bit depressed and couldn't be sure he'd be able to stand not seeing me a lot, that he couldn't be sure he would still love me in a few weeks or months just because we live like 2 hours by train from each other, I mean what the fuck is that excuse, how do you expect me to be supportive when you're just destroying my happiness like that? Am I being a bad person, am I exaggerating like my Dad always says I do? What am I supposed to do now?? I don't know and it scares me, and what scares me the most is that I have lots of way to hurt myself in my room and I just hope it won't come to that... And now I feel like an attention whore and a party pooper posting this here, I mean I could write all this shit in a diary or something but I don't have one and the title said to "post your thoughts of the moment" and this is all I've been thinking about for a week now, so here it is, and I'm so sorry for those who read it all, please ignore this and have a nice day...