Alright I have a couple of things to say about your post
Loziana. To be blatantly honest I’m not sure what to do here or how to respond to this. I’ll break down some of my concerns so that we can have a look and figured something out together.
First of all.
In your previous entry Aidinia witnessed Alex’s demise and initially cried over it before she convinced herself that now was not the time for grief. You said it was like losing a patient and it seems a big deal to her, so this would probably take a few moments. (perhaps, probably even the entire duration of Salem’s Scyther encounter as that started the moment she screamed).
Then she set about searching and gathering food. This will take at least an hour, even if you are only looking for an armful in an abundant area. She collected crafting materials and wove herself a pack. Cool idea btw, but also something that will take up a large chunk of time. After that she gathered more but medicinal plants this time. Let’s combine that with her food gathering for the sake of argument. It will still have probably add another hour at least since even if you have the knowledge you still need to find the plants you’re looking for, if they’re there at all. All good so far though, just that she’s probably well into mid-day by the time she sets out to look for other people or a place to build settle.
So right from the get go the meeting between Salem and Aidinia doesn’t line up properly. She says she heard the sound of fighting and came running towards it. This is possible if we say that maybe she heard other trainers fighting but reached Salem’s clearing first instead of theirs. Whatever spurs you on doesn’t necessarily have to be what you find. Now Salem won’t be moving very fast but he still should have a several hour head start and would be a fair distance away from the clearing by now.
So he’s leaving a bloody trail that you follow. That’s a little careless of Salem and means he’s bleeding out, but this part is alright. You catch up to him and call out to him. This is the moment where I think you should have ended your post to give me a chance to respond because here’s what’s happening next;
You assume he and Ajax lets you approach him in this vulnerable state (It is Salem we’re talking about so that’s a fair bet). Then you drag him back to the clearing he walked away from (not considering he might not want to be there and resist this action). You sit him down and examine the wound and begin treatment (again not knowing if he would let you, but it’s a safe bet he would). You clean the wound, prepare a medicinal paste (I assume by grinding stuff between rocks or something), and stitch him back up. (I’ll be honest here, I don’t see this work with plant fiber and whatever you use as a makeshift, unsterilized needle but for the sake of drama let’s say this works somehow). This whole process puts them roughly another hour further in the day. And hour they spend exchanging no words at all.
Aidinia sets about gathering firewood, digging a fire pit and all together builds a camp (another hour or so gone and spend in silence. But we could assume Salem is resting during this part and lets just say Ajax is standing watch or something).
You take his tools from him and start making lunch, or maybe early dinner by this point in time. That’s when you start a conversation by introducing yourself and asking about Salem and incidentally give me the first opportunity to respond.
Now, my dilemma is do I recap what is essentially half a days’ worth of activities and find ways and excuses to fit and form Salem’s actions to those you’re forcing upon him? I don’t know if I can without breaking some of his character, which is something I don’t really want to do.
I suggest that maybe we cut this post of yours up into pieces and use it a sort of rough structure to determine a sequence of events for the next couple of hours and story entries. What do you think?
I applaud you for wanting to write a meaning full and heavy posts. I like doing those as well, but you can only really do that as long as you're in control of all the characters present or already know the actions they will take.
NO one takes her TEDDY
