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The Dark Tournament
- Thread starter Astralkitsune
- Start date
It defiantly sounds like social anxiety. I live in a household where 4 people are on attivan for panic attacks, 2 have schizoaffective disorder, and 2 are bi-polar type two so no worries mate. Then again I live in America and you know what they say about my country and prescription meds.
Close actually it's biology. You realize chemistry has a lot of math right although it's very straight forward math. I was very good at college chemistry but Calculus kicked my ass.
Close actually it's biology. You realize chemistry has a lot of math right although it's very straight forward math. I was very good at college chemistry but Calculus kicked my ass.
nice post Ny
in other news
Salem’s mind went to the Lure-Station he’d build.
So that's the secret of Pokemon Go Lures
in other news
Salem’s mind went to the Lure-Station he’d build.
So that's the secret of Pokemon Go Lures
You know it! And you know how those Lure Stations work in Pokemon Go right? They always lure way more trainers than actual pokemonnice post Ny
in other news
Salem’s mind went to the Lure-Station he’d build.
So that's the secret of Pokemon Go Lures
How would Salem react if Jeeves sprouted into his newly announced Alola form?
Yeah, for that exact reason I'm trying to get better at maths. (or math if you're American, which you are) Multiplication is literally my worst enemy, I don't even know most of my times-tables.
I've been coping without any weird meds, I know my mother is on anti-depressants but apart from that, I know no one who has to take medication, apart from the occasional paracetamol for headaches.
I think Calculus is gonna be my grave, I'll text you all when I reach Valhalla.
Pokemon Go Lure Modules, Ancient Edition.
Yeah, for that exact reason I'm trying to get better at maths. (or math if you're American, which you are) Multiplication is literally my worst enemy, I don't even know most of my times-tables.
I've been coping without any weird meds, I know my mother is on anti-depressants but apart from that, I know no one who has to take medication, apart from the occasional paracetamol for headaches.
I think Calculus is gonna be my grave, I'll text you all when I reach Valhalla.
nice post Ny
in other news
Salem’s mind went to the Lure-Station he’d build.
So that's the secret of Pokemon Go Lures
Pokemon Go Lure Modules, Ancient Edition.
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That new Exeggutor is just awful. I've never liked the pokemon to begin with, but it's even worse now.
You know the only reason I allowed Salem to have the damn tree is because it's so totally him to capture one and use it for shade and to recline against while traveling the ocean with Blastoise.
You know the only reason I allowed Salem to have the damn tree is because it's so totally him to capture one and use it for shade and to recline against while traveling the ocean with Blastoise.
wow! i'd love to see this come to light! kind of reminds me of hunger games. bravo
Edit your post man, you forgot to add "But then good." at the end there.
CoroCoro also released a new Alolan Meowth. I hated Meowth before, but now I really, really hate it.
I totally have the image of Salem relaxing under Jeeves on a hot summer day, with Ajax pouring him a glass of water using his cannons. I really, really want this image.
Salem wouldn't use his Pokemon as servants, they would always have to be happy doing something and it shouldn't put them beneath him. But I do like the image you're sketching here.
You're touching on something I've been thinking about actually, and that is the ability of water pokemon to generate water. Of course it came up for me when thinking about the survival parts. But I decided that the water a Pokemon produces shouldn't be drinkable. Kinda like sea water. You could distill it though if you have the means.
post up Nova it's a long one
hope I didn't make a billion typos
hope I didn't make a billion typos
ok edited as many typos as I could catch
If I made the scene with Amara too epic please let me know. I don't usually like for an NPC to steal the stage in a scene with a PC but I wanted to give Amara some more depth than what people had seen of her.
There's not much glory to steal yet with the character is Floyd though.
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Important note: I edited my last entry, entry #252, and added a part that I have accidentally left out but needs to be in. I colored the part Blue so that it stands out and you don't have to reread the entire post if you'd already read it..
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Important note: I edited my last entry, entry #252, and added a part that I have accidentally left out but needs to be in. I colored the part Blue so that it stands out and you don't have to reread the entire post if you'd already read it..
I see nice addition Ny
just to clarify mental thoughts are in italics if anyone wonders
I put my mental thought down as followed: 'I hope everyone likes my entries.'
So between ' ' but added italic to make it stand out more.
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Also, here's a quick update, or reminder of what Salem looks like currently, just in case they need to describe what they're character is noticing.
He still has his tanned islanders look, with long white hair and green eyes. Across his back he now has a large diagonal scar, courtesy of a Scyther, and thankfully not a nasty jagged one either thanks to the ministrations of Aidinia and her Sylveon.
Salem will be topless at all times on the count of not having a spare shirt. "Thanks Team Rocket!"
He still wears the default pants all trainers were given, and the shoes as well, although he has those off as much as on. Mostly on at the moment, but once it's clear they can stay in the camp he'll mostly go bare feet.
He has a belt, at least I assume they got a belt to secure their Pokeball to. I don't think it was officially mentioned they had this, so Astral will need to confirm this.
Tied securely around his left forearm are a set of 3 ribbons. They're all black and because of that it might be hard to see how many there are without an up close count. And upon closer inspection it should become clear that they're actually quite finely woven and in such a way you can recognize a pattern in them.
And he walks around with a black fedora which he does not wear unless he needs his hands free for something or another. And then the Fedora comes off again afterwards.
That's all, thank you for your time.
So between ' ' but added italic to make it stand out more.
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Also, here's a quick update, or reminder of what Salem looks like currently, just in case they need to describe what they're character is noticing.
He still has his tanned islanders look, with long white hair and green eyes. Across his back he now has a large diagonal scar, courtesy of a Scyther, and thankfully not a nasty jagged one either thanks to the ministrations of Aidinia and her Sylveon.
Salem will be topless at all times on the count of not having a spare shirt. "Thanks Team Rocket!"
He still wears the default pants all trainers were given, and the shoes as well, although he has those off as much as on. Mostly on at the moment, but once it's clear they can stay in the camp he'll mostly go bare feet.
He has a belt, at least I assume they got a belt to secure their Pokeball to. I don't think it was officially mentioned they had this, so Astral will need to confirm this.
Tied securely around his left forearm are a set of 3 ribbons. They're all black and because of that it might be hard to see how many there are without an up close count. And upon closer inspection it should become clear that they're actually quite finely woven and in such a way you can recognize a pattern in them.
And he walks around with a black fedora which he does not wear unless he needs his hands free for something or another. And then the Fedora comes off again afterwards.
That's all, thank you for your time.
no comments on my post you guys are going to give me anxiety now
seriously though did I over do it was it to impractical
seriously though did I over do it was it to impractical
Wonderful addition, Ny. I was wondering when you'd bring it up, but totally worth the wait. I like that it had those unique patterns though, I didn't know that, and I especially liked how Salem was able to recreate them without thinking too much about it.
I was planning on making posts tonight, but eh... I just got back from a really long trip across cities to get info on my dream university's medical faculty, looked for dormitories, and now I'm drop dead tired. Maybe I'll get it done in the morning, but I'll still try to get it up tonight.
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whew I think that is everyone I owed a post too. Time to hit the hay
Holy crap, Nevashi has the cure! He can fix all this! I don't know about you guys, but I definitely have Nevashi creating a cure and destroying the formula for the virus be the good ending. Maybe the lab used to manifacture the virus is even in the jungle somewhere.
Alright, all in all it was a pretty good piece. I really like how you portrayed Amara here. I've always liked her type in stories and she's not disappointing me so far. This paves the way for some really nice interactions later, if she survives of course.no comments on my post you guys are going to give me anxiety now
seriously though did I over do it was it to impractical
Incidentally, and this may just be me but, I liked how similar Amara seems to Salem. Not their personality and thinking, but their actions when serious. She too has this really close bond with her pokemon where a lot of times things don't need to be explained, and simple gestures convey whole messages. I like that. Also cool, creative use of skills, definitely props for that.
Now the things that could be better. First of all, you really should check up on comma's and their use because your sentences are a mess and sometimes often hard to read. I often find myself checking if I understood what you tried to say after a period.
Secondly, while the actions taken are quite cool and plausible story wise, you tend to deliver them in a very game-feeling sort of way. Like, instead of just saying there's a 'high likely hood' of the Venipede having a specific berry you present them as stats, 50% chance. I've seen you do this before, and while it's not wrong, especially not considering the source material, I think it diminishes the quality of your piece a bit. So maybe something to keep in mind.
Lastly, I'm not a fan of Deus-Ex Venipede there.
(I'm gonna assume for now that people know what Deus Ex Machina means in story telling, but if anyone doesn't just say so and I'll explain in a followup post.)The moment Amara decides that she needs to find a a specific berry, the very first pokemon she notices is one that is know to have it, and then later the very first venipede she checks has the berry. It's not impossible of course, but it's not very likely either and that's where it sorta stretch the suspense of disbelieve. It's a small missed opportunity to turn your entry into a flowing, compelling story section rather than an flavorful accounting of a series of events.
I hope this helped a bit. If you disagree with anything we can discuss it.
Nah sounds good although I used numbers on purpose to show how Amara's brain works. She literally calculated the odds numerically. I may have over done the number of genius npcs and if so I am sorry for that. Probably should have said 53.4% instead. The venimpede wasn't supposed to be the first big she encountered I just didn't want her to treck through the jungle forever. There are several bugs that carry Pecha berries not just that one it was just the first one she saw that had a high chance for it.
Also with a 50ish percent chance the first one she kicked having it isn't to far off in my opinion . If it had been 5% then yea maybe
Ye you're right about the chances being good, but it doesn't hurt the story to have some more context, and it can be something as simple as saying "The first couple of pokemon wouldn't be of any use, so they kept on looking until eventually they found..."
That just flows better than deciding to need a specific pokemon and then spotting it without any sense of search, if you know what I mean. But it's very possible I'm just nit kicking here. Just thought it worth mentioning.
That just flows better than deciding to need a specific pokemon and then spotting it without any sense of search, if you know what I mean. But it's very possible I'm just nit kicking here. Just thought it worth mentioning.
I took some time to read it, doesn't seem too bad. I don't see massive typos or anything, the Scolipede thing makes a even more action and consequence.no comments on my post you guys are going to give me anxiety now
seriously though did I over do it was it to impractical
I wouldn't worry too much about making posts if your tired. Seriously, we can wait
Though that explains why your on late at night where I live, kind of should've considered that you lived on the other side of the world...
And finally, if you aren't aware of what Nygenn is referring to, Deus Ex Machina means "God in the Machine" and is introducing a plot element that fixes another with no real build up or foreshadowing. It's fairly looked down on, since it requires little effort.
I pictured Amara as being a bit worn out after all that. Also I wanted to immediately introduce the venipede as a threat before she had time to recover.
Plus most literally things we all like such as anime and tv shows do that all the time to add more of an epic feel to things
Plus most literally things we all like such as anime and tv shows do that all the time to add more of an epic feel to things
True but it's not quite a true deus ex as the poison was not my plot point but novas
Very nice Burble, did you know that already or just googled it?
Also, for a bit more information, the 'God in the Machine' reference comes from old plays in the days of Shakespeare, where quite often the heroes would get stuck in their quest, only to have a new character be lowered down onto the stage with a crane, and this character (Not introduced or explained at all, and often just noted as god) would give the answer or item needed to solve everything. Hench the name 'God in the Machine' or Deus Ex Machina.
Hmm, I guess it's a matter of opinion then. Yes it happens quite often, but I always classify shows that do it as less.
Oh I forgot to mention that I do really like the choice of Pokemon you used.
Well I agree on the deus ex. I was more referring to the suspension of probable disbelief that a door or window just happened to be the right one with a garbage truck under it sort of thing as the hero dives out or is blown through by an explosion. Those odds are far more astronomical than 50%.
On a side note did you get what I meant by that's Amara"s brain and it was deliberate on my part.
On a side note did you get what I meant by that's Amara"s brain and it was deliberate on my part.
Nope, knew it already. TvTropes is a great resource for this type of thing. Wasn't aware it came from Shakespeare though, thanks for that bit of info
Many of media with visual components can get away with these things really easily by showing the garbage truck pull up, or already parked besides the house when they're doing the outside location shot before switching to the interior and the hero's actions. Unfortunately that's not an option with written material. So the exact same scene might feel completely fine on TV, but then incredibly stretched or coincidental on paper.
I think so, if you mean that she's one of those efficiency focused geniuses that is. Otherwise, enlighten me
Nope, knew it already. TvTropes is a great resource for this type of thing. Wasn't aware it came from Shakespeare though, thanks for that bit of info
Interesting things I learned when following classes on Narratology. Story telling through experience is a big factor of Video Game Design. There are millions of little things that influence a story and can change subtle change the experience of a narrative without actually changing any of the events.
Being more aware of these things may be why I'm suddenly capable of writing in a sorta acceptable fashion where before I could not.
She thinks in terms of numbers and probability when weighing options and odds. Some people really do think I have a 10% chance to make this jump. It's not common I agree, but I think like that just to a lesser extent than Amara ask my wife I weigh probability quite often before making descions. Now while I am smart I can't perfectly calculate odds like a computer. However Amara is mathematically that much a genius, although hers is mostly math she's a super calculator.
Well I certainly Make no claims to be a professional writer or even.a writer at all I am a storyteller I write how I see the image in my brain. That means not every single visual detail makes it to paper.
Also, I'm actually a little jealous of Damian. Color me silly and childish, but just imagining her saying Salem-oniisan, or god forbid; Salem-onisama makes me all giddy inside
I can spin a book in my head but I have never put one to paper because I just don't like writing that much so my add will not let me stay focused. Now rp and storytelling is different.
That there is exactly where I was at some years ago.
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